stop, drop, and keep going..

AHHHH. Fresh air, i can breath again. For the past few weeks i have been chasing the wind, invisible and blowing in each and every direction that by the time i stopped to catch my breath i noticed i was back at the start. Holding on to the very threads that bound me to People who i recently found out weren't even worth my time. Liars! Anyways, anything that i want to accomplish in life has to be done for by myself, for myself. No one is going to hand me a silver platter and sure as hell Zeus isnt going to give me a lightning bolt, i have to work my way up to it. It's time to get my priorities straight. find another job more related to the arts, finish writing my long short story(ten chapters in), finish painting a half dozen unfinished pieces, get in shape, write more music, get an acting gig and so on and so forth, girls are dead last right about now.. unless i find someone i like..you know i've had my ex girlfriend over for the past couple of nights and it sucks because i dont want to hurt her, we arent anything anymore, sad, and i miss her but sometimes you have to let go even when its so right.. so we could advance.. keep movin..

i want to be like the ocean, beyond measure.

Slowly but Undoubtedly I'm getting back. Tonight was a great night. I drove out to the little beach i like to call home. i stood in front of the vigorous waters as they raged and rammed each other, my toes dug into the frigid sand. listening to anything that came out of my ipod. i starred. the water, the waves, the ocean. can teach you a couple of things. Sinking and floating for instance. the fact that at calm times the waters are still, the waves pound against the shore with distant measures. During troubled times the waves are fierce one plummets against the next, without care, the roaring ripple of the waves grow in magnitude and of into the distance the water fades away into the sky. A dormant gaint, who can wake any moment and devour us whole, yet it doesnt. being skeptist of its suction we climb aboard, it draps its self around our skin. gentle soothing. It's crazy to be standing on a shore, that's when reality hits. you are so miniscule in this planet. standing on the edge of a huge piece of land against and even bigger body of water. the right only bending to the corners of your eyes, and what after, does the sight keep going. small beach, big world. dont take it for granted.

boy vs. MAN

Do you know that feeling that you get, when the world stops for a second and you can actually see a bird flap its wings or a flower rustle in the wind or catch a sight of the wave right before it ripples and even then when it does ripple the white slowly takes over. when your heart is laying underneath your longs and something or someone gives it a jolt of energy that makes it jump up and pound against your chest so heard that you can hear the thumping a couple of feet away. your hands clam up, and you start to stutter and you say the stupidest things and you don't know whether to try and make sense of it or leave it alone and hopefully no one will notice. Right before the night comes to an end it happens to you again. and a simple smile says a thousand words about the day. well afraid to say so but that's the boy inside of you, ever Man has a boy sleeping inside. He wakes up at the most awkward situations. Usually around a girl. It becomes hard to try and contain yourself. Boys show so much emotion, but girls see it in a bad way, a sign of weakness amongst the strength and tough exterior. To tell you the truth, it is mostly the artist, that never contain this side, because they feel, the show, the sensitivity in the eyes glisten down to the pupil. Once the feeling settles in and the real deal stands. everyone packs their bags and leaves. Man not boy we just aren't looking through the same magnifying glass.

Undo Buttons

Sad to say but undo buttons don't exist in reality, ahhh chucks so i cant to over? as much as i wish i could get a second chance, do i really deserve it? doesn't anyone? I guess it really depends on the one giving the chances. i would do everything the wrong way, or the opposite way just to see if everything would go right.

Mirror to my soul.

i wish i could have done things differently. now that i have seen it cave in, i discovered where the structure went wrong. where the rivets and pillars weren't strong enough to hold this up. i wish i could have been me 3-4 years ago.( not-to-self buy a time machine) i didn't care for feelings nor names, it was all business. It was easy for me, no effort needed but everything gained. I've got to say, what i did sucks, I cant even remember half of it. Bad Boy. And now i find myself being the vulnerable one. With Drastic Changes in Complexion and A new Addiction to your Wardrobe that will forever be attached its hard not to change with that too. For years i was wondering what did i do to get this where did i Fuck up, i see it now. I'm paying back all my dues. i have many, I hope that when i'm done with them something good will come my way. its not such a bad thing also, it made me see from the other side of the spectrum where beauty not apply externally but inside hearts. but within my choices they have all been scarred to fall, Trust, ill catch you. It's hard to let in. so don't come near the rattle snake if you don't want to get bit.

Downfall & Triumph

And thus another story ends. I was never one to judge people i always tried to find the good in everyone and i still do. It's easy to categorize, like blinking, its a standard reaction.

Every end has a start or so say "Editors" well the first girl that crossed my path was said to be immature sure she was only sixteen at the time and i was more mature then she was, everyone would tell me that she wouldn't take me serious. Funny thing was that her mom was more immature then she was and nobody knew it but me. the women chased me down the street with a garden hose and a flung her flip flop at me, great times but i still lost somewhere between the late nights and the sleep over we fell out of the trees and stopped dreaming in the clouds.

"She is a coke head" was all everyone said, she dressed like she wanted to; 24 eyelet doc martins, band tees, leopard pants, dirty blond hair, and big blue eyes, and a pale structure. I was intrigued. She wasn't anywhere near the target of a coke head, in fact she was the most beautiful girl on the inside as well as out. She was a hopeless romantic undercover with a bad girl exterior and i broke in. I Loved everything she was. She was a scientist and her own guinea pig but i looked past that big cloud of dark smoke but she decided that she didnt have time for me, so i sank further down the river.

And then there was ____. She was everything i wanted and more, all the important questions were answered on the first day, everything else i could live with. we ran on the same lines, never juxtaposed. but as soon as i fell, she didn't catch me. I know the excuse because i have given it before and that excuse usually comes when you get bored of someone. i wish their was more time but i have to keep moving or i might have a quarter life crisis.

Am I to nice. I do get mad just like everyone else, but i usually care more about the feelings of others, so i try hard not to. 3, 3 strikes make an out, that is how many people look at it, but what about perspective. what if 3 strike show you where you are going wrong where your flaws could be lifted where you could exceed expectation. i struck out three times but i now know that when the next game comes along ill be ready with my game face on and ill know what to do. I my soul has been impacted. Everyone deserves a second chance.

The Love for the things we do.

Sunny Friday afternoon, i was picking up my friend Chris Park from his warehouse, we were going to check out a place where he can get his sweet jeans washed. After dropping of the samples and legs we were back on our way. The 101 was heavy and it was hot out. waiting for traffic to move we started talking about why we loved jeans and what we wanted to do with our brands (if i ever started mine, which i am) who we wanted to target. Knowing your target market is the key to having a successful brand and really i didn't know what to say at first, but after thinking about it i told him i wanted everyone to be a part of the target, I'm the kind of person the kind of person that if you them a target they will shoot aimlessly hitting other things and including that target. see i believe in community and bring everyone together and involved. i want to make a little something for everyone. There are many fits and style, why not make them all? i want everyone to see the art behind the clothing on the clothing, and maybe learn a little something about community, that is maybe why i love Arts District Downtown, because everyone is so friendly. Chris and I Agreed on that sense and also on the Fact that you have to do what you love because you love it not because you need to make money of from it, He says he has had people come in and ask him why he designs so much, that he should just pay someone to do it and make money off of that, its not about the money my friends, its about being proud of what you do and being happy by making others happy too. now with these troubled times. everything being so expensive, brands that took advantage of people by selling them jeans for 300 dollars are now staring right at karma, businesses falling left to right. everyone is looking for a premium and affordable jean and we are here to make them for you. hopefully we can bring different cultures together; punkrockers, hiphopers, skaters, cowboys, surfers and all. COMMUNITY, Love what you do.

Big Projects

When i ventured of into the wild, out of the big fenced, paved sheltering high school i didn't have a compass or map to find my way, i didn't have a destination in mind. i was without a path or a plan. i always new there was something about the arts that triggered this excitement and enthusiasm in my brain and brought a smile to my face. toddling upon rubble i found the only way to get to who i wanted to be was up.. climbing right up the mountain. and till this date i am still climbing. it is difficult and tiresome but i keep pulling myself up. Many slips along the way but I'm the kid that always tried and i will continue to be that. Looking forward to working on my jeans.

the thinker and his art.

There are always new things i want to draw everyday. its like a switch, it just happens, i really want to draw a certain item whether it would be birds or banners or both.. so here are a series of drawings..

Siddhartha

I woke up today, like i usually do for work, tired, but today was different i wasn't just tired from sleep deprivation, nor because of the long night i had before. I was just tired of everything, of routine, of how hard it is, of the struggle, of who i am, and of the fact that i lost myself somewhere along the way, i sat at the edge of my bed contemplating about how much i have changed, i am not everything i was a few years ago, I used to be somebody, that artsy kid who was ready to hoist the world by the reins, i was sure of what i wanted to be and who i wanted to become but with time everything began to fade, to become distant, paint was left to dry on my brushes and the steel strings on my guitar began to rust, my sewing machine was left in the dark, all i used my voice for was to sleep and my mind began to look into a looped cycle, wake up, work, school, sleep and apart from that i started to try and accommodate everyone i came across, changing my appearance, my way of thought, so that everyone could be happy and soon after i became an average person i stood amongst the norm, i became mediocre, i wasn't a sore thumb nor the black sheep, i became part of the hand and white with the herd, the star dulled out and it didn't shine anymore. I was scared this morning. i was scared to look at my life and throughout this short time i lost it all, everything i was, gone. Now i was Arrogant, Cocky, A Coward, Semi-Narcissistic, I did things that the person who i was wouldnt have done and would have sucker punched me because of it. I was Siddhartha, a very dynamic character from a book i was reading, he losses it all, himself, his beliefs, love, faith, to the point where he wants to take his own life, but right before he does he realizes what he has become, he soon after walks into enlightenment. It took him a near death experience to find himself again, to realize that he had changed. It took me one morning, im glad it didnt have to go to much more drastic measures, but maybe i was already there maybe my soul and my mind where somehow dead or commiting the cruel act. I was living breathing, moving, conversing, and thinking slightly but i wasnt really Alive. I feel like i have awaken from a long winters sleep, but im still a little rusty, At this moment, i am disgusted with what i have become, i have a bitter taste in my mouth. i am waiting for the turning point in my life, Where i could love self again, like i used to. where my hands are working again, the london fog in my mind has settled.

Summer.

Driving down the bi-way, in her red convertible
the wind wrestled with her hair
Bright as day, Summer was her name
and i fell for her.
big blue eyes and long blond hair
she would Paint she would Act she would sing with her strat but the boys didn't care.
they just wanted to take of her underwear
But not me,oh no no no
i wasn't like the rest of the sheep oh no, darling, not like the rest of them
What attracted me to Summer wasn't her body but her beauty and her heart
Warm and bright, just like the Summer sky
The Sun grew jealous so we were forced to spend our time together
under the moonlit night
we laid on my roof, and counted every star
sang and talked, laughed out loud!
cuddled to sleep in each others arms..

I want to mean it

It's great to listen to tunes on the radio all the time, driving, sleeping, while your friend is saying something and you are just nodding your head while your Ipod is exploding music into your ear canal. Well it has come to my attention that some of the music out there isnt made to mean something to someone (being the listener) its created to take up space. I have noticed this for sometime and i am even more ashamed to say that i previously have done this in the past. Now that i look at it, i dont want to be that kind of person; one who makes things with out reason and puts this things out into the world without meaning. I want to be heard, and i want to mean what im trying to say. i want to relate to people and i want them to relate to me. I want to reach out and touch someone even if its the longest strech of my arm imagineable, i want to lift souls and help them guide themselves to whom ever they are trying to be because at this moment i am lost, and the only way to find my way back is through music. I want to share that gift with everyone else. i know my expectations, i know what i want to become, and i know what i have to do to get there. I will get there. Dedication and Meaning.

Package disclaimer

Life, it doesn't come with a handy instructional manual or an assembly guide.
some of us end up broken within the first few years.
Others just have a wack at it every which way.
No one told us it was going to be this hard.
I fear I'm failing.
Everything I once knew or thought i knew, is no more, whatever i was good at or thought i was good at, I'm not.
My "tallents" were merly mediocre. And now i have to live with that.
im no good