stop, drop, and keep going..

AHHHH. Fresh air, i can breath again. For the past few weeks i have been chasing the wind, invisible and blowing in each and every direction that by the time i stopped to catch my breath i noticed i was back at the start. Holding on to the very threads that bound me to People who i recently found out weren't even worth my time. Liars! Anyways, anything that i want to accomplish in life has to be done for by myself, for myself. No one is going to hand me a silver platter and sure as hell Zeus isnt going to give me a lightning bolt, i have to work my way up to it. It's time to get my priorities straight. find another job more related to the arts, finish writing my long short story(ten chapters in), finish painting a half dozen unfinished pieces, get in shape, write more music, get an acting gig and so on and so forth, girls are dead last right about now.. unless i find someone i like..you know i've had my ex girlfriend over for the past couple of nights and it sucks because i dont want to hurt her, we arent anything anymore, sad, and i miss her but sometimes you have to let go even when its so right.. so we could advance.. keep movin..

i want to be like the ocean, beyond measure.

Slowly but Undoubtedly I'm getting back. Tonight was a great night. I drove out to the little beach i like to call home. i stood in front of the vigorous waters as they raged and rammed each other, my toes dug into the frigid sand. listening to anything that came out of my ipod. i starred. the water, the waves, the ocean. can teach you a couple of things. Sinking and floating for instance. the fact that at calm times the waters are still, the waves pound against the shore with distant measures. During troubled times the waves are fierce one plummets against the next, without care, the roaring ripple of the waves grow in magnitude and of into the distance the water fades away into the sky. A dormant gaint, who can wake any moment and devour us whole, yet it doesnt. being skeptist of its suction we climb aboard, it draps its self around our skin. gentle soothing. It's crazy to be standing on a shore, that's when reality hits. you are so miniscule in this planet. standing on the edge of a huge piece of land against and even bigger body of water. the right only bending to the corners of your eyes, and what after, does the sight keep going. small beach, big world. dont take it for granted.

boy vs. MAN

Do you know that feeling that you get, when the world stops for a second and you can actually see a bird flap its wings or a flower rustle in the wind or catch a sight of the wave right before it ripples and even then when it does ripple the white slowly takes over. when your heart is laying underneath your longs and something or someone gives it a jolt of energy that makes it jump up and pound against your chest so heard that you can hear the thumping a couple of feet away. your hands clam up, and you start to stutter and you say the stupidest things and you don't know whether to try and make sense of it or leave it alone and hopefully no one will notice. Right before the night comes to an end it happens to you again. and a simple smile says a thousand words about the day. well afraid to say so but that's the boy inside of you, ever Man has a boy sleeping inside. He wakes up at the most awkward situations. Usually around a girl. It becomes hard to try and contain yourself. Boys show so much emotion, but girls see it in a bad way, a sign of weakness amongst the strength and tough exterior. To tell you the truth, it is mostly the artist, that never contain this side, because they feel, the show, the sensitivity in the eyes glisten down to the pupil. Once the feeling settles in and the real deal stands. everyone packs their bags and leaves. Man not boy we just aren't looking through the same magnifying glass.

Undo Buttons

Sad to say but undo buttons don't exist in reality, ahhh chucks so i cant to over? as much as i wish i could get a second chance, do i really deserve it? doesn't anyone? I guess it really depends on the one giving the chances. i would do everything the wrong way, or the opposite way just to see if everything would go right.

Mirror to my soul.

i wish i could have done things differently. now that i have seen it cave in, i discovered where the structure went wrong. where the rivets and pillars weren't strong enough to hold this up. i wish i could have been me 3-4 years ago.( not-to-self buy a time machine) i didn't care for feelings nor names, it was all business. It was easy for me, no effort needed but everything gained. I've got to say, what i did sucks, I cant even remember half of it. Bad Boy. And now i find myself being the vulnerable one. With Drastic Changes in Complexion and A new Addiction to your Wardrobe that will forever be attached its hard not to change with that too. For years i was wondering what did i do to get this where did i Fuck up, i see it now. I'm paying back all my dues. i have many, I hope that when i'm done with them something good will come my way. its not such a bad thing also, it made me see from the other side of the spectrum where beauty not apply externally but inside hearts. but within my choices they have all been scarred to fall, Trust, ill catch you. It's hard to let in. so don't come near the rattle snake if you don't want to get bit.